How can you help someone in a time of crisis?

Some people may think that helping someone in a time of crisis is simply a matter of desire, willingness, and goodwill. It’s true that desire, willingness, and goodwill are essential, but they are often not enough.

For example: What happens when someone you love or care about rejects your help? In your attempt to help, you may unwittingly do the worst: insist, pressure, impose your presence, minimize the situation, or assert your own perspective. This way, you’ll most likely end up alienating the person you’re trying to save. In our meeting today, you’ll discover some effective resources for reaching out to others without being shut out.

When someone close to you (be it a family member, partner, child, friend, neighbor, or coworker) is going through an emotional crisis, you must keep in mind that they are experiencing a situation that exceeds their capacity to respond and adapt to an event that is significant to them.

Those experiencing an emotional crisis can experience a wide range of symptoms: behavioral changes, neglect of personal hygiene, sleep and appetite disturbances, decreased performance at work or school, mental dullness, overwhelm, sadness, anxiety, irritability, anger, frustration, helplessness, hopelessness, social isolation, tunnel vision (believing there’s no way out), and thoughts or attempts at suicide, among others. These changes, of course, negatively affect the person’s health, as well as their interpersonal and professional relationships.

Therefore, it is important for individuals in crisis to receive support to activate their coping mechanisms. Regain their well-being, and move forward. Helping someone going through a critical life event can be challenging. As it requires a great deal of empathy, presence, and understanding.

What should you do when someone close to you is in crisis?

In general, it’s good to give them the opportunity to talk. You should take a genuine interest in the triggering event or situation, ask about it in the most appropriate way possible, tactfully, and without rushing. The objectives are: to establish contact, provide support, mitigate suffering, reduce life-threatening risks, analyze the dimensions of the problem, explore possible solutions. Encourage concrete actions, and mobilize support networks (family, friends, and other significant figures).

Ten Keys to Help You Achieve Your Goals

Key One: Validate emotions before advising. It’s extremely important to validate what the person is feeling at the moment they’re going through a difficult time. It could be that they’ve had a breakup, their partner was unfaithful. You want to support and comfort that friend who’s sad, and you’re wondering, “How can you intervene in that situation?”

The first thing is to understand that this person feels their dignity is at stake. And of course, if you rush in with judgment, speaking your mind without a filter, you’re very likely to shut down communication. So, be careful about directly saying what you think the person should do. What should you do?

First and foremost, you have to validate. Validate how they feel, using phrases like: “Yes, I imagine this must be hard for you,” “How could you not feel that way? It’s only natural that you feel bad.” Let the person feel that the feeling they’re having isn’t out of the ordinary. That you give them the right to feel bad and to express it. Who are we to play on someone else’s feelings?

Key two: Ask instead of making statements. This way, the person in crisis realizes that you’re genuinely interested in knowing what led them to that situation, and this makes them feel comfortable talking to you. Some, with the best of intentions, say things like: “Oh, that’s nothing,” “What you need to do is throw it away and go out and have some fun.”

Instead of making statements, start by asking: “What would make you feel better?” “How would you like me to help you right now?” “What can I do for you now?” That way, you’re consulting them and at the same time seeking a small change. You could also ask: “Do you want to talk about what happened?” “Can I stay here with you?”

Key three: Offer alternatives without pressure. This is closely related to the previous key. Questions like: “Friend, what do you feel like doing?” “Do you want me to stay with you?” “Would you rather I stay or call you later?” “Do you want to meet for coffee?” “What would you prefer?” It’s good to offer options without pressure. Often, depending on the option the person chooses, it gives us an idea of what intervention they want and allows us to deduce how far we can go and how far we can’t.

Key four: Reflect with rapport, with empathy. People feel more comfortable with us when we reflect them with our behavior, with nonverbal expressions. If someone is sad for a certain reason, they will most likely expect the person who is going to help them to be in tune with their emotion.

It wouldn’t do them much good to see a smiling, happy, and shouting person standing in front of them, because they will feel a very deep disconnect on a nonverbal level. How do you do it? You have to reflect the behavior. That is, if a person is lying on a couch and doesn’t want to be near you, stay put. If they come closer, you come closer too. If they decide to walk, walk with them. This is called mirroring.

Key five. Determine what emotion the person is feeling and name it. “Friend, what are you feeling? Are you ashamed?” “Are you scared?” Note that this is related to key number one, validating the emotion. Here, the goal is for the person to identify and understand what they are experiencing. What are they feeling? What are they feeling? If you help them name what they are experiencing, you will help them generate order in their mind, and they will likely open up much more after identifying what they are feeling.

Key Six: Intentional Silence. It’s an easy tool to apply. Silence creates a kind of mental and emotional connection between people. When we help someone, we shouldn’t fill in all the gaps by talking. We can’t expect there to be “background music” all the time. Let’s use silence so the other person can speak, develop, and finally reflect on what they’re feeling or sort out what they’re experiencing.

“Hey, what are you thinking?” Wait for a response, give them time, let a few seconds pass without speaking. You don’t know the weight that silence carries and how beneficial it can be. That’s why it’s necessary to give them time and space to talk, to formulate, to express what they’re experiencing. We have to ask a question and listen. It’s a conscious effort to do it well; it’s silence with intention.

Key Seven: Never minimize the situation. Minimizing the situation will close the door. Don’t maximize it either. This key speaks to reality. That is, you are the voice of reason. You can reason because you are not directly within the conflict zone. Don’t say, “Oh, that’s nothing. I don’t know why you’re so upset.”

Keep in mind that what has happened to them is very important to the person who is suffering. Avoid these types of phrases: “Oh, that’s just silly, it’s not that big a deal,” “Wow, calm down, you don’t have to get so upset.” Nor should you go to the other extreme, to maximizing: “Ugh, this is terrible, your world is ending.” “How awful, I don’t know how you’ll ever get out of this.”

Key eight: Respect the person’s right not to talk. It is very important not to get angry if the person is closed to communication. For example, you could say, “I want to help you and be with you. I offer to talk, but I understand if you don’t want to talk. In that case, I offer you not to talk, I offer you not to intervene. I offer you not to bother you, but at least let me accompany you.

“You don’t want to talk now, no problem, I’ll accompany you in silence.” “You’d rather be alone, that’s no problem either, I can come tomorrow or we can talk on the phone.” This way, you make a commitment to the person, you confirm that you’re available to support them. They’ll feel comfortable with that because it doesn’t put more pressure on them.

Key nine: Self-care. Without a foundation, there’s no support. You won’t be able to support and support someone if you’re not well yourself. How far will you be able to help if you don’t protect and take care of yourself? Therefore, if you notice that the situation is overwhelming and affecting you, if you realize that it’s overwhelming and overwhelming you.

Then it’s best to take the initiative to contact a psychology or psychiatry professional to help your friend, family member, or neighbor. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be there, but it’s very important that you take care of yourself and mobilize your support networks (other friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, etc.). Supporting as a team is a good option.

I’ve shared with you the tools commonly used to support people during critical moments in life. I hope these nine tips are useful to you and that you keep them in mind.