In some of our meetings, I have discussed the education and upbringing of our children in the home and family. Harmony and balance, good ways of communicating life messages, early stimulation, children’s emotions and their impact, self-control, and handling children’s tantrums are part of the basic knowledge we need to raise our children, but not the only ones.
There are no standard recipes or formulas for proper parenting. The counseling and self-help books, the articles that appear on the subject in this column, as well as in specialized magazines and websites, generally promote an approach to the very diverse problems that each mother, father, or family may face.
Every person is a world, and so is every family.
There is a popular saying that goes: “every person is a world.” The same can be said of homes, families, couples, and marriages, as each has its own dynamics, its own way of functioning, its own rules, all of which influence each of its members, as systems theory applied to the family world has clearly demonstrated. However, I believe that every system is susceptible to modification, especially worth the effort if the situations within it are turbulent, cause difficulties, discomfort, and provoke emotional instability in any of its members.
Regarding suggestions, guidelines, and advice
It is impossible for the suggestions and guidelines I propose to be followed “to the letter,” but they can attract the attention of mothers, fathers, teachers, and adults in general, make them think, change their attitudes when necessary, motivate them to expand their knowledge about raising their children, and can also serve as a kind of guide. If, despite having the information and doing what you consider correct, the results are not as expected, then I suggest consulting with specialists in child psychology or psychiatry.
Like so many other topics inherent to human beings, this topic is very broad and complex, requiring clear and precise explanations, sometimes general and other times more specific. Sometimes it is necessary to reiterate and return to certain aspects of significant importance or that could be expanded upon. In the following lines, I will comment on a well-known topic that I will refer to as it is popularly known: emotional outbursts.
Emotional outbursts: a need both for us and our children
In the process of guiding and educating our children, we cannot forget that they sometimes need emotional release, just like any of us. In adults, various incidents such as overwork or work problems, fatigue, health problems, relationship problems with partners, family, friends, and coworkers can cause an “emotional outburst,” which generally has no major consequences because adults have developed internal support systems, but children lack them.
Although I have mentioned that we must manage our children’s emotional outbursts, we must always keep in mind that it is necessary to clearly determine whether the child, in the different situations that may arise, is exhibiting a lack of self-control or if there is another issue that requires specialized attention.
Children hold a great deal of emotional energy, as their sensitivity is continually tested as they discover and experience, almost constantly, new sensations as they go through life. At certain times, they may feel bad and be prone to irritation, which should be recognized and addressed. This is why we must act with caution.
If children see that we are patient and understanding, that we interpret what is happening to them correctly, and that we know how to distinguish between what is truly important and when it is merely a tantrum or a fit. If children perceive that we handle the different situations they encounter, as well as changes in their mood, with equanimity, they will learn to have the kind of internal control that we are capable of demonstrating. Their weaknesses will cease to be weaknesses as we are prepared to help them in the most appropriate and beneficial way in each situation they face.
Some children offer lessons in equanimity to their elders
It’s not unusual to find children who teach their elders a lesson in equanimity and common sense. When this happens, we are amazed, delighted, and even surprised or perplexed. We discuss it with the rest of the family, friends, and coworkers.
In every home and school, parents and teachers must be prepared to prevent children from experiencing strong emotional states. This can be counterproductive, and is not good for children, just as it is not good for adolescents or adults.
It is necessary to create a positive emotional climate. The ideal atmosphere, which we must make serious efforts to achieve, is one where balance prevails. And balance depends on many factors, from not speaking loudly, the intonation of our voice when we speak, gestures, actions, hygiene and order in the home, and love not only for the child but also the love shown and shared among all family members.
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