Today we are allowed to recognize that we need another person and that we want to be needed. There is a renewed desire for attachment, closeness, and tenderness, for a stable life in common. Loneliness is accepted only as a form of transition, but not as a way of life. Human beings have recognized that they need the other, the partner, because the love relationship has a transcendental and irreplaceable meaning for their own personal growth.
Even so, usually in a vital relationship each member of the couple will continue to be a mystery to the other, for a lifetime they will continue to know each other. Nothing stimulates personal development more than a constructive loving relationship. Nothing limits personal development more and nothing causes more insecurity than a destructive love relationship. To develop their personal potential, human beings need other human beings, but above all their partner.
I quote Jean-François Vézina: “We have to imagine new ways for today’s couple. Lasting love is a necessary utopia. Utopia is a place that does not exist, but that inspires us and encourages us to improve ourselves. Lasting love is the destination of all maps, the place of all challenges, the unknown land of our relationships. It is a place that unfortunately very few couples frequent, but it is essential to find and live in order to love each other and others.”
Whether one suffers from affective instability or is already in love, or wishes to be in love, one must explore the paths that lead from falling in love to lasting love. Jean-François Vézina, in his book ‘The Adventure of Love’, tells us: “Beyond the Valley of everyday life and the arid desert of boredom, and after avoiding the traps of the island of dependency and the terrible jungle of the Power Games, you will discover with the help of the imaginary maps of love, How you can reconsider and fill your relationship with meaning.
Can we say today, in view of the advances in biology and genetic engineering, that human beings depend on love, love and being loved, in the same way that their animal nature leads them to depend on physical food in order to survive? Can one rationally justify the belief that, as Erich Fromm said, “mankind could not exist for a single day without love”?
This presupposition about the absolute necessity of this feeling, about whether it is constitutive of the existence of the human being and therefore supposes an ontological necessity, does not seem to me far-fetched.
It is worth remembering that the essence of human existence is freedom, rooted in a type of love that transcends the corporeal and the sensual.
How can you access the magic of love? Tantra, Yoga, and Taoism teach about sex and postulate that falling in love is a way to enter into communion with the universe. Where is the danger of uncontrolled passion? What is the path of initiation to sexuality? Can the yin-yang, man-woman, duality be harmonized in the love experience?
Unfortunately, many people do not know how to love fully and freely, but loving in a healthy way is something that can be learned. To do this, it is necessary to approach the phenomenon of love without naivety or skepticism, but rather with the desire to understand in depth what the chemistry of love is, why we fall in love with some people and not with others, how boredom and lack of communication affect the couple, how to deal with obsessive jealousy, what are the sources of sexual satisfaction and dissatisfaction, what consequences lie and infidelity have on cohabitation.
If we elucidate all these questions, we will know how to protect true love, a necessary link or pillar for life, happiness, personal and transpersonal fulfillment of human beings.
If we want to live with love, it is necessary to have a disposition towards love and cultivate it on a daily basis. It is about loving fully and consciously, transmitting trust and security to our partner.
Broken trust is one of the most painful experiences that human beings can face, but we are not exempt from that experience, it can touch us, we can live it. But if we bravely face the inevitable abandonment, rejection, and rupture that life throws us into, we can embrace our pain, discover new aspects of ourselves, and find a greater degree of security in our relationships and in our existence.
There are multiple forms that betrayal takes in the couple, from keeping secrets and speaking badly of the other, to breaking promises and being sexually unfaithful. The best thing is to know how to heal wounds and betrayals, even if they hurt, to learn what steps to take to forgive ourselves and the person who has betrayed us, and to cultivate a climate of love and trust in our daily relationships.
To grow in love it is essential to learn to overcome the anger, shame and jealousy that can appear in the face of any betrayal, no matter how small, which can only be achieved by people of high spirit, who are sure of themselves, who know how to reaffirm their own worth and begin a process of healing. the first step towards a life of loving relationships. Deepak Chopra, in his book ‘Love, eroticism and intimacy’, tells us about the source of love that exists in spirituality and how through it, we can transform our lives and our relationships.
Living each day with meaning, depth, romance and passion, is possible. ‘Love, eroticism and intimacy’ contains the explanation of the seven stages of love: attraction, infatuation, conquest, intimacy, surrender, passion and ecstasy. It also includes specific exercises that teach us to recognize and overcome the obstacles that block our happiness.
This work inspires, because it deals with the most complex and richest area of the human being: his loving and affective world.
Deepak Chopra, director of the Chopra Center for Wellness, was born in India, is a cardiologist, for him health is the balance and integration between body, mind and spirit. Love is part of that much-needed balance. He is known for his prolific literary production on humanistic topics, among his books are: “Reinvent your body, resurrect your soul”, “Road to happiness”, “Ageless bodies, timeless minds”, “Manage to overcome your addictions”, “How to create health” and “The seven spiritual laws of success”.
Life is a great school, you have heard that many times. Many things are learned, among them love, sex, and the education of the soul.
From revaluing the love and sexual experience as a personal experience, I ask you three questions: What is love? Who do we love when we love? If love makes us suffer and causes us sorrow, why do we continue to insist on finding it?
I am sure that the answers, although dissimilar, will be along the lines of rescuing passion and imagination in affective relationships, of searching in the soul in love, intertwined in an intimacy that does not lack shadows, but, on the contrary, proposes the shadow as an essential dimension of love and sex.
By: Israel Manuel Fagundo Pino / Translated by Radio Angulo
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