We fake it so often that we believe we always reach orgasm in bed or wherever it occurs, but the truth is that a study says both women and men simulate what isn’t always achieved. Although I don’t know why women are credited with better performance.
We all remember, and if not all, I suggest you watch the 1989 American film “When Harry Met Sally”. Where a classic scene on this topic occurs: she tries to convince her interlocutor that women fake it, and most of the time, men don’t even notice. Sally’s acting ability, played by Meg Ryan, is a sarcastic explosion of the moment as she gasps without limits and without shame in the middle of a cafeteria full of diners.
Let anyone who has never acted out something dramatic in bed. Who has never exaggerated their sensations, or who has never emulated Sally, for various reasons, throw the first pillow.
It is said that taste should prevail when it comes to sexuality, and since not everyone can conquer someone as beautiful as the British singer Adele or actor Henry Cavill. We seek inner beauty like the treasure Indiana Jones sought, and then we become experienced, creative, risky, daring, and adventurous lovers.
We close our eyes in intimacy because we don’t need to see when what prevails is feeling what is beautiful. What is longed for, what is needed, and often discarded by the social prejudices of a prudish society always seeking to save face.
Or we settle for boring relationships or repress desires to avoid breaking loyalty. But we betray ourselves in the digital world by contemplating the narcissists who display themselves on the social network Instagram.
Asking why orgasms are faked is equivalent to asking why photos are used to turn into pieces of abstract art.The answer is always the same: reality is not pleasing, and it is disguised. Adding attributes it doesn’t actually possess.
So, if we fake it in every area of our lives. Why is total sincerity required in the sexual sphere? The appropriate question isn’t why we fake orgasm, but why? Because it’s clear that deception always seeks a reward, but in the case of sex, it’s not so clear. What is gained by making the other person believe we’ve reached heaven with fake sexual cries?
According to researchers at Eötvös Loránd University in Hungary, women fake sexual climax because they feel insecure and don’t want to be considered “abnormal or dysfunctional”. For not being able to reach orgasm.
This is the conclusion of one of the most recent studies on the subject. Published in 2022 in the journal Sexual Medicine and conducted with 360 heterosexual women. Those who had difficulty reaching the so-called:
-petite mort- were the most likely to fake it. “Although orgasmic difficulty in women is related to both higher levels of insecurity and concerns about their partner’s self-esteem. It was the former that was most strongly associated with the likelihood of faking orgasm,” the researchers wrote.
Of course, men cheat too. Apparently, it’s more difficult to play that role because ejaculation is associated with orgasm, but they don’t always go together. “This is the case of retrograde ejaculation. Which goes to the bladder without passing through the urethra, and which occurs after a radical prostatectomy (prostate surgery),” explains Francisca Molero, gynecologist, sexologist, director of the Ibero-American Institute of Sexology, and president of the Spanish Federation of Sexology Societies.
“In these cases, even if an orgasm occurs, it may not be recognized as such because it’s a different sensation. As the semen isn’t felt passing through the urethra. Sometimes, with certain medications, especially antipsychotics or antidepressants. The orgasmic sensation that usually accompanies ejaculation is lost or becomes almost imperceptible,” says this sexologist.
For Molero, both sexes cheat. “Although much less than before. It’s more common to fake it at the beginning of a relationship. To look good or avoid hurting the other person’s feelings. Because sexuality is increasingly important for a relationship to work; sustained sexual dissatisfaction is one of the main reasons for breakups.”
We fake it for ourselves, for each other, and for the relationship, but it’s not always easy to prolong the act. “Generally, women who frequently fake it end up telling the truth, making the problem visible. It’s harder for men to be honest. They fear losing their alpha male status, both with women and with their group of friends,” says Raúl González, sexologist, psychopedagogue, and couples therapist.
Unfortunately, the dreaded confession that they’ve been faking it is most often made in a moment of fury in which, like Rocío Jurado, one admits that “it’s been a while since I felt anything when doing it with you.”
“Ideally, this topic should be addressed in a sincere, fluid conversation, taking into account the other person’s feelings. But most of the time, it falls into the inevitable frankness. When the relationship is already seriously deteriorated, and one blurts out: ‘Well, you should know that I haven’t even noticed for months,'” González points out.
“Someone said that the union of two people is the union of two desires and two egotisms. I extend that to four; since each person has two desires (the desire to desire and be desired) and two egotisms (I want to have a good time and I want the other person to enjoy it with me). And combining all these elements isn’t always easy.
” While fitting all these pieces into the puzzle can be complicated. Some choose to separate orgasm and pleasure, and sexual intercourse with oneself and with others. This was the case with singer Elvis Presley, who maintained that the best sex was achieved through masturbation. The truth is that in love, almost anything is permitted, and since everything is historical in Cuba, so is the subject of orgasm, and we have no choice but to set fire to the rain.
Translated by Aliani Rojas Fernández
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