Every relationship sinks its roots in the tumultuous world of passions and launches us into an emotional adventure whose development we are not always masters. Jealousy would be one of those thousand faces that appear in love without our consent.
Cupid sharpens the sense of possession and we allow ourselves to be invaded by a feeling of greed towards the loved one with the belief that he or she belongs to us body and soul. In companies of the heart we do not want anyone as a partner, and enjoying the other in an exclusive regime becomes the agreed privilege of a consented selfishness.
Jealousy is a response to a breakdown of emotional balance that arises when a person perceives the threat or feels the possibility of loss to something they consider their own.
While jealousy can be experienced in many types of relationships, for example, between siblings, friends, family, and co-workers, it is commonly referred to as jealousy in particular to those that are lovely, sentimental, or romantic. These appear due to the insecurity created by the sole probability, suspicion or concern that the loved one will pay attention in favor of another, generating discomfort. They are taken as a form of possession over another person, although the constant doubt about whether or not one possesses the other person is what unleashes the discomfort.
In an article entitled “Jealousy, does it kill or feed?”, its author points out that “The eternal human splashes between fantasy and reason in the turbulent waters of passions, where security in the other is the best shield against jealousy. The problem begins when an excessive sense of security incites him to possess the other. It’s the beginning of the end.”
The fear of losing the loved one in the arms of a third party slips through the cracks of our self-esteem and is projected onto the past, present and future. Feeding this fear leads to contemplating the rest of mortals as possible rivals and entering a spiral of competition. In the heat of what is experienced as a betrayal or latent offense, restlessness, suspicion and distrust come in courtship.
Within an order, jealousy is sometimes part of a game of mutual flattery, we are proud to awaken that feeling in the loved one, to whom we return the compliment with them, but it is dangerous to use them as a strategy to stimulate the interest of the other. With the idea that trust mitigates desire and fear fanned its flames, sometimes we explore our ability to conquer so that the alarm goes off. But be very careful with this strategy, life itself has shown, in most cases, that it can turn against those who put it into practice and bring unpredictable consequences.
Well-founded or unfounded jealousy stalks anyone, but not everyone knows how to dose its intensity and maintain control.
A passionate temperament cannot conceive of love without them and succumbs to their spell in a visceral way, while those of a cold disposition invoke reason not to fall into what they consider baseness. The confidence that the relationship we have in hand inspires us also influences when it comes to encouraging or discarding them.
Suspicion nestles in the jealous heart, or rather in the jealous brain, with its heightened perceptions that become distorted, increases attention with marked hypervigilance. Thus, he is always alert, he captures the smallest detail and his already predisposed mind puts the rest. In his eagerness to give credence to all the worst, he adopts the role of policeman and keeps his partner under permanent suspicion. The vehemence of this passion leads to pathological jealousy, an obsessive disease that destroys all loving understanding.
Jealousy is synonymous with distrust and private property, a feeling of low spiritual status. The person who has this negative vibration cannot see someone threatening near his partner because the possibility of the “beloved object” being taken away quickly comes to his mind. What is most impressive is that many feel protected when their partner shows them to be jealous. It’s complete spiritual ignorance in that area. They believe in the following association: a lot of jealousy equals a lot of love. That is why we have all heard at some point in our lives phrases such as: “If he is jealous it is because he loves you” or “I am jealous because I love you”.
What are the root causes of jealousy?
In the 90s, research was carried out by New York University to understand the root of this situation. The results made clear something that psychologists already intuited: behind jealousy is low self-esteem, insecurity and a childhood where there was no healthy attachment.
On the other hand, a study published in the journal Developmental Psychology warns that adolescents are increasingly controlling and jealous. Nowadays, aggressiveness and jealousy, as well as abuse and control towards the partner are realities that we see more and more common. This is a very delicate thing to reflect on.
The couple needs independence from each of its members, to be able to decide, to have personal and professional growth. Creating a full bond with the loved one implies knowing how to grow in the relationship by building strong bonds, but also letting go so that both are able to achieve personal goals. Excessive fears and a lack of emotional and personal maturity generate a high rate of unhappiness. However, I consider a “pinch of jealousy” normal due to our imperfections, but we must always keep in mind that love is amalgamated with freedom.
I think it is necessary to know what the excellence of love means, how authentic love differs from inauthentic love, what are the characteristics of a meaningful relationship, how sure we are of ourselves, of our values, of our self-esteem, self-confidence and other active elements of our personality, because to learn to control and banish jealousy we have to learn a lot about how to manage our emotions and about love in love. All its dimensions and meanings.
Do you know what it means to love consciously?
Loving consciously is one of the most wonderful experiences we can imagine, because without consciousness, love is reduced to an animal act that exhausts, while lived with full awareness, from the brain and the heart, it is a source of happiness and energy.
We can all live a richer and fuller love life if we learn to love more consciously. It is not a matter of reaching a certain goal, but of growing, of growing inside, radiating that which is inside all the men and women we call love, where jealousy has no room whatsoever.
By: Israel Manuel Fagundo Pino/ Translated by Radio Angulo
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